(The Daily Game tasks are every day simple tasks, that have become nigh-on-impossible with the addition of two small monsters and the subtraction of one husband)
DIFFICULTY LEVEL: Hard (without a hair wash) / Really fucking hard (including a hair wash & armpit shave)
OBJECTIVE: to achieve moderate cleanliness of the body & face, to rapidly wash away the pain of the sleepless night before and the faint scent of breastmilk/vom
– three year old killing (or maiming baby) whilst left unattended
– TV being pulled over resulting in maimed child or even worse, broken TV
– either child rifling through the bin & eating contents
– three year old having a poo resulting in either a potty full of excrement for baby to play with or an open toilet seat with a toilet full of excrement for baby to play with
– every item from the bathroom cupboard/shelves/drawers being pelted at my feet & getting all soggy (I accept this as the norm now)
– the baby secretly binning my ‘This Works’ eye cream
– Must ONLY be attempted when Ben & Holly or Peppa Pig is on. Lily’s Driftwood Bay/ Toby’s Travelling Circus will NOT cut the mustard
– Place some ‘distraction’ items such as empty shampoo bottles, (clean) sponges or almost empty packs of baby-wipes within reach so they think they’ve hit the jackpot
– accept there will be two pairs of beady eyes staring at you as you speed-wash. While they’re there, they aren’t maiming one another / playing in the oven/bin / pulling over the TV.
– check the bathroom bin before emptying into the big bin. I’ve had some very lucky saves
95% success these days without having to jump out to deal with an emergency (such emergencies include three year old forcing baby to wear bunny ears against his will or cuddling him so hard he can’t breathe).
I *mostly* achieve a clean body & face on a daily basis (clean hair and shaven armpits do occur, on occasion)
(And I have an entire bathroom to clean. CONSTANTLY)